Grief and Healing: Normalizing the Guilt of Abortion (July ‘23)
Regret is a natural consequence of many decisions in our lives. It can be as simple as wishing you chose chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla, or as grave as regretting the harsh last words you ever spoke (or failed to speak) to a loved one. Most often, choices are regretted soon after they are made, or at the very latest, when the consequences of a choice are known, and can reappear whenever we think back to our mistake.
Post abortion regret is very real, even acknowledged by pro-choice websites and organizations. However, this regret is not like others; which usually subsides over time. Many women feel much more regretful several years after their abortion. Sarah, from ABC News, states about guilt after her abortion, “It’s such a complex thing, it really hard to translate into words . . . it’s almost like the longer time goes by, it gets deeper and deeper.” There are countless testimonies of women from retreats for healing after abortion who for years were unable to forgive themselves and come to terms with their regret and grief. On Racheal’s Vineyard, women report emotional numbness, low-self esteem, even self-hatred, emptiness, guilt and depression. These terrible feelings require healing, and if left unchecked, can severely impact a woman and those around her.
Often, when faced with an unexpected pregnancy, especially if they are in an unstable situation, woman can feel alone, afraid, and in despair. Abortion is marketed by pro-choice agencies as nothing more than the termination of their ‘problem’. Abortion pills are advertised as ‘safe and eective’. But pregnancy is more than a problem, and abortion is more than a solution. We know this not only because of what abortion does to the baby and the mother, but because of the consequences women suer continually years after an abortion. Even though often external pressures drive women to an abortion, it is an objective act of violence, against both the unborn child, by ending their life, and the mother, by violating her womb. As with all violence, afterward comes feelings of guilt, made worse by encouragement for women to feel ‘empowered’ and ‘proud’ of their abortion, or to keep silent about it. This stifles the natural grief and regret women feel for not allowing their baby to be born, and causes them to turn inwards, often with devastating consequences.
Hope and healing are not impossible to find, even after the violence of an abortion. Many ministries, such as Project Rachal, Sira, Silent No More and Rachal’s Vineyard, serve to provide women and men with consoling and an outlet for regret and grief through healing. These ministries also serve to normalize the guilt felt after an abortion, and to remind woman that they are not alone, that there is hope for their lives, and that they are more than their past choices.
